All hail Boris Johnson. (From Haringey Independent)

All hail Boris Johnson.

3:08pm Friday 30th May 2008

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All hail Boris Johnson, my new favourite scapegoat. Let us, as Londoners, congratulate ourselves on our ineptitude. I understand that writing this may thrust me into the claws of derision, but I don’t care - last week I waited over forty minutes for a 144 to arrive at Turnpike Lane - it must have been Bojo’s fault.

As a rule, I try not to inflict my political opinions on anybody. There are two reasons for this. First of all, I am only sixteen, so I have always felt (arguably foolishly), that my opinion, since it cannot be transposed to the ballot paper, is essentially worthless. Secondly, being vehemently opposed to an ‘authority’ figure of any nature is, at my age, far too predictable, and besides, I always feel (again, probably foolishly) that overly political young people are precocious twits.

Nevertheless, this weekend, as the alcohol ban on public transport comes into effect, I find myself incapable of keeping my thoughts to myself. What on earth does Boris think will come of enforcing this ban? Does he really imagine that the number of anti-social inebriates stumbling around our tubes will dwindle? The whole notion that banning booze on buses is an infringement on our civil liberties is, I find, a subsidiary case against the ban once we establish the fact that this whole elaborate scheme isn’t going to reduce the number of drunks on our transport system at all.

In fact, the only conceivable outcome is that people will be forced to down their open drinks before they descend into the underground prohibition zone, or unsteadily get onto buses, and therefore be more intoxicated than they would have been otherwise. Furthermore, it will make it even harder to discern the sober from the not, as the telling can or bottle will be on the pavement elsewhere. It seems to me that this is just a superficial policy, designed to please on only an aesthetic level.

Only time will tell, but on the evening of this coming Saturday, I urge you all to avoid the tube. Cohorts of young people, many of them people I know, are planning rowdy, bacchanalian parties in carriages beneath London, and unless you decide to partake in the festivities, I doubt they will be fun.