AS two warring factions go, there are few that can match them for sheer vitriol, contempt and bloody mindedness. On the one side are the smug, self-satisfied, stay-at-home mothers who say those who work are depriving their children of care; on the other, the condescending, superior, working mums, who consider those who stay at home lazy and brain dead.

The two were unleashed on each other this week in a series of debates on Radio 4's Woman's Hour. Stay-at-homes were keen to spell out the sacrifices they have made and clearly thought society owed them a sainthood, or a medal at the very least. Working mums argued they made a greater contribution to society and that their children grew up to be more able and independent as a result.

Words like "materialistic", "selfish", "small-minded" and "dependent" were bandied from one side to the other. But why do so many women get so hung up over how other women lead their lives? Possibly because motherhood is one long guilt trip, and whatever decision we make, it isn't easy. There are those who feel under attack, as if they constantly have to justify their lifestyle to themselves and everyone else.

This results in women attacking other women, and we can be our own worst enemies.

We all know most mothers are simply doing the best they can for their children, and have to make choices depending on individual circumstances.

Yet these tiresome, tedious old arguments and accusations have been going round in circles for decades. To the downtrodden women of Afghanistan, the sort of freedoms we enjoy are still a dream. But women here are still condemning one another for daring to live different lives. Isn't it time we moved on?

A LEADING psychologist quoted in a national newspaper this week was apparently attempting to reassure the public after the latest aircrash in New York: "So far, nothing dreadful has happened in Britain. Even if it does, the likelihood of it affecting you is tiny. You are at far, far greater risk of dying of cancer or a heart attack." And this is supposed to make us feel better? Well thanks a lot, Oliver James. While all the Woody Allen types among us rush out in search of emergency therapy, the rest of us, who weren't worried before, will be now.

TV PRESENTER Carol Vorderman is promoting her new detox diet which, she says, has allowed her to eat as much as she likes and still drop a dress size. But she goes on to reveal the foods which she bans: meat, poultry, fish, dairy products, sugar, wheat-based breads or pasta. Which leaves Carol eating as much lettuce and water as she wants, I suppose.

LIZ Hurley has been portrayed in the press this week as a beautiful, trusting English rose, dumped by her hard-hearted American boyfriend once he found out she was pregnant. "Close friends" of Liz have revealed to the nation that her ex, worth about £400m, didn't want her to have the baby. The child will grow up to want for nothing materially. But have Liz and her friends wondered what it might do to her youngster's sense of self-worth to read in years to come that his or her father didn't want them to be born at all?

Published: Friday, November 16, 2001